With all the willpower I had left, I forced that voice to just shut up. I was tired of pretending I wasn’t in pain. I was tired of being strong just because it made things easier for everyone else. I was tired of calming down.

"Delicate Condition" by Danielle Valentine revolves around a couple Anna and Dex who are desperately trying to have a baby but fail to do so. At last, they decide to consider IVF treatment. However, weird things start happening that infare with her pregnancy which leads Anna to believe that someone doesn't want her to have a baby. Even after all these obstacles, she does get pregnant only to result in a tragic miscarriage. Now, the thing is, she still thinks she is pregnant. Anna is terrified, confused and angry as she tries to navigate her personal and professional life all while dealing with medical neglect from doctors.

When I was reading this book, I got curious about the history of female hysteria and thought I should look it up on Google. The results were more disturbing than I initially thought. Apparently, the term "hysteria" is derived from a Greek word for uterus - meaning that the problems with the uterus were the main reason behind women's emotional and mental instability. In Plato's dialogue Timaeus, he compared a woman's uterus to a living entity that wanders throughout a woman's body which blocks the passages, causing breathing problems and diseases thereby giving this phenomenon a name - "Wandering womb" (trust me, I know how stupid that sounds!). As time went on, it became increasingly common for male medical professionals to diagnose women with hysteria when they complained of any kind of ailment, thus isolating and neglecting them untill they "calmed down". 

But why am I giving a history lecture in the middle of a book review ? Well, one of the main themes of this story is medical neglect and misdiagnosis - particularly to female patients. Throughout this novel, Anna is not taken seriously by her doctors and her husband whenever she talks about her pregnancy related issues. When she miscarries, the doctors cannot figure out the reason behind it. It is honestly brilliant how Valentine has captured Anna's frustrations in contrast to how everyone treats her. She is constantly being told how she is a bad mother for wanting both career and a child or for showing her pain. Even after being frightened, the doctors ask her husband about her own troubles as if a man knows better than a woman about what's happening inside her own body. Anna is expected to perform resilience, even as she unravels which brilliantly parallels the way women are expected to smile through their suffering. Meanwhile, Dex, her husband, constantly advises her on the do's and don'ts - not because he cares about her, but because he wants the baby inside her to be safe. Anna Alcott, a woman with her own dreams and fears, ceases to become a person and instead is treated like a vessel - an object, whose sole purpose is to put out a baby. 

This book has its own share of supernatural elements. However, the horror feels much more real and relatable which in turn makes it terrifying and sympathetic at the same time. There are enough Agatha Christie - esque red herrings in this book which allows us to suspect everyone and constantly keep us in our toes.  Delicate Condition may have a slow start but in my opinion it adds to the overall eerie and whimsical vibe. As a result, the buildup and conclusion gets a lot more satisfying. The author really excels at making mundane events like doctor visits, fertility treatment, public scrutiny or an act of carrying a child, feel much more sinister. The slow erosion of Anna's sanity and the body horror are the icing on the cake. This allows the horror to serve as both entertainment and critique.

The use of mirrors and surveillance in this book is a chef's kiss in my opinion. We see recurring images of Anna being watched, photographed and scrutinized. This tells us all we need to know about society's obsession with controlling women's appearances and actions. Thus, Delicate Condition reads like a chilling allegory of reproductive surveillance and coercion. Anna's pregnancy is treated as a state to be managed by others which strips her and other women of their own bodily autonomy. The book also expertly critiques how female celebrities are held to impossible standards — expected to look perfect, become mothers at the right time, and maintain composure no matter the cost. Thus,  fame becomes another mechanism of control over the female body.

The only gripe that I might have in Delicate Condition is the lack of depth. The second half of this book was fast paced but without any nuance especially when it started to lean into supernatural elements. The side characters were also not very well fleshed out and followed some cookie cutter tropes which in turn makes the people in this book a carbon cutout of archetypes. Throughout this book, I felt that all the feminist undertones were spoonfed to me. The author went to great lengths to tell the readers about all the themes without allowing the readers to naturally arrive at the conclusion, which appeared as if Danielle Valentine was doing the thinking work for me and deliberately making me feel dumb.

In conclusion, Delicate Condition is a timely, unsettling novel that uses the tropes of horror to expose very real societal horrors. It perfectly blends psychological dread and feminist critique. While the book may not be perfect — it succeeds where it matters most : in giving voice to the silenced and in weaponizing horror as a form of truth-telling.

We were bonded in our mutual hatred of our bodies - "Luster" by Raven Leilani

Eddie is a 23 year old black woman working in a publishing industry. She is a failed artist that lives a mediocre life filled with confusion, desire and self hatred. While working in her office, she is involved with multiple men which leads her to being sacked from her job for "sexual misconduct". After that, she gets entangled with a 40 year old white man named Eric who is in a sort of open marriage with her wife Rebecca. 

Throughout the novel, we get the sense that she is a deeply flawed, lonely woman constantly making poor decisions that leads her in trouble. Her promiscuity is the result of being lost in her own mundanity which she tries to compensate by escaping from her own self and looking for satisfaction from outside. She time and time again askes herself whether Eric is genuinely interested in her, has ulterior motives or simply wants to erase his white guilt through her. These negative feelings are exacerbated when she enters his house where she comes to know that the couple has adopted a black girl named Akila who is around the age of 12-13. She thinks that maybe this was Eric's plan all along : to find a black women for his adopted child and that she has not managed to entice him in any way. Thus, we see Edie being trapped in her own thoughts and insecurities which makes us sympathize with her.

The thing that this novel perfectly manages to capture is the different kinds of inter - relationships that the characters within this book form. Take Eric and Eddie for example. It is clearly established in the novel that there is an imbalance of power and social hierarchy between them. Eddie is a masochistic woman who liked being hit by Eric as it reminds her of her mother. Eddie's father was abusive as well and she feels that she can connect to her mother and can only find resemblance between her and her mother through the bruises on her body. 

Similarly, Eddie and Rebecca share a weird dynamic as well. They form an unusual bond riddled with anger, resentment and mutual disagreement but understanding and acceptance at the same time. Eddie sees her dead mother in Rebecca in some ways. Rebecca is a medical examiner working with cadavers and Eddie's mother committed suicide at a young age. There is a beautiful allegory of Rebecca seemingly making dead people alive through her work. Thanks to Rebecca, Eddie starts painting again. It is interesting to note that both Eddie and Akila form meaningful relationships with Rebecca even though she didn't want an open marriage nor did she want to adopt a child at first. This situation mirrors over patriarchal society perfectly, where a woman has to bear the burden of the decisions and mistakes made by the man associated with her. During the end of the novel, she paints Rebecca which brings her whole character arc to a full circle (The story started with her painting her dead mother and ended with her doing the same with Rebecca who is, in a way, her substitute mother). In the final pages of the book, Eddie tells us that she wants someone that can illustrate her on a canvas "with merciless, deliberate hands". The author manages to do just that and much more through this book.

This book is a social satire and it aptly presents the condition of black women in America in a witty and snarky way. For instance, when Eddie goes through the current "diversity" offerings from her office, she finds out that they include : “a slave narrative about a mixed-race house girl fighting for a piece of her father’s estate; a slave narrative about a runaway’s friendship with the white schoolteacher who selflessly teaches her how to read; a slave narrative about a tragic mulatto who raises the dead with her magic chitlin pies; a domestic drama about a Black maid who, like Schrödinger’s cat, is both alive and dead.” This perfectly describes how people in America like to pretend that racism doesn't exist and prove that by pointing out books featuring black people most probably written by a straight white male. These books are caricature of the same tropes which makes the readers feel that black people have no desires and ambitions of their own and that their life is filled with tragedies. 

Of course, there is nothing wrong with writing such characters, however, it becomes a problem when tragedy becomes the character's whole personality. In another example, we see Eddie interacting with her black colleague Aria who is the perfect image of a black person the way white people want to see : twice as good as her counterparts, always smiling and grateful for being given a chance to prove her self worth. It is deeply dehumanizing, the way black people have to "prove themselves" in order to be taken seriously. However, Eddie is the complete opposite, which is another reason why she is fired and replaced by Aria. 

Raven Leilani does a masterful job at juggling through different themes in this book. This book is a social commentary but in an entertaining way. She writes in a stream of consciousness and outlandish way which makes us feel that she is not trying to impress anyone through her story. There are little to no dialogues in this book and the prose is beautifully divided in short chunks in a diary like manner. Apart from that, the whole book is written in a present tense (excluding the part where Eddie talks about her past) which makes the experience immersive and real.

 I just finished a book that I found a bit boring at first but boy, it turned the tables with the shocking twist!!!!

So, lets talk about this book : The guest list by Lucy Foley!!

Question: What makes this book so special? Answer: Absolutely everything!!!

Question : Is it just a random murder mystery? Answer: You got to read the book for that!!

All right, all right, enough blabbering from my side!! 

So, the plot of the book is this: A guy named Will - an ambitious, good looking gentleman working as a TV actor. There's nothing about him that makes you hate him. A beautiful woman - Jules who is running a magazine called The Download. She is passionate but impulsive. They're about to get married in an island that is believed to be, well, haunted (Wait, its mystery book, not a horror book isn't it?).

On the surface they look too perfect - just like Romeo and Juliet - a made for each other couple. But are they? Is Will really the kind and generous guy or it's just his fake image? Is Jules really a typical strong Woman? Are the other characters really what they pose to be? These are some questions you might consider asking yourself while reading the initial pages of the book. 

One thing that I really liked about the book is the writing style. It goes back to past then to present then to past again. It can be a bit of an annoyance, specially for someone like me who just want to have the mystery unfolded as soon as possible. Also, the book is written keeping more than two narrators in mind. Nearly all the character tell there part of the story and back story for that matter (well, all the main ones!!) which is really beautiful. The whole novel is described within the span of two days. Of course, without taking the characters relieving their past into account. Throughout the story, we observe the characters going through mental trauma, fear, shame, insecurity, jealousy and other such emotions.While reading this book you notice one more thing, and that is how the writer actually fools you into believing that you almost solved the murder mystery. You feel like - Huh, I knew this was going to happen but your perception turns upside down the moment you flip the page and you're yet again fooled by the writer's master stroke!!!

In short, this book is a roller coaster ride. If you're a mystery lover, you'll definitely enjoy it!!

What are Panic Disorders ?

Symptoms

Our brain during Panic attacks

The autonomic nervous system which controls the involuntary functions in our body and takes signals from the central nervous system. The autonomic nervous system has two main nerves: Sympathetic and Parasympathetic nervous system. Their functions are opposite in nature. Sympathetic nervous system is responsible for quick reactions (positive such as excitement and negative such as anxiety) thereby increasing heartbeat, sweating, etc. (in case of fight or flight). Parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, plays role in digestion of food,

Panic Attacks and Panic Disorders - the difference

Treatments

 What is it all about?

                               

The National Education Policy thus according to me could have been given more time before launching it in order to consider worst case scenarios.